I like Walmart.....sort of

I am not sure what the controversy is all about but I need to say that I like Walmart. Well, kind of.

It seems that no matter where a Walmart threatens to go up, there is always a crowd of people to oppose it. The area could be in the most depressed part of a city where unemployment is ridiculously high and it would still be opposed. There is a deep, emotional hatred for Walmart.

One of the many arguments is that the big box stores, like Walmart, put the mom and pop shops out of business. But, the truth is that the internet has changed how everyone shops. So it also had a hand in putting those shops out of business. Is anyone boycotting the internet? Who doesn't order goods or services online today?

Like I stated, I dislike and like Walmart. It is similar to liking and not liking the same movie. The content is good but the actors were not up to my standards. I dislike Walmart because most of them that I have been to are not the cleanest places in the shopping world. Most are about as clean as a McDonalds Playland shoe cubbie on a rainy day.

I do like Walmart for the low prices and for the convenience that it has everything that I need at one stop. As a stay at home dad, it is a challenge to go to separate stores to find items with multiple kids in tow. And with the price of gas and all the driving that stay at home parents do, it just makes sense. Call me lazy or smart. I think that it's a little of both.

Happily Never After

I have a big dilemma coming tomorrow. It is bigger than I thought and it could affect the future of my two girls for years to come. Well, not really. I have been told by a very creditable person (my wife) that I tend to make more of an issue than there really is sometimes.

It is this: do I let my two girls watch the wedding of Kate and Prince William?

For me, I really have no interest in this whatsoever. The whole monarch thing is foreign (no pun intended) to me. I don't get it and even when it's explained to me by those who are passionate about it, I still don't get it. How can we still have kings and queens within a country who don't really run the country? Am I missing something here? Likely.

Back to the wedding. My dilemma is this: I don't want them to get the idea that they will actually get to be a princess someday. For me, this wedding ranks up there with Santa, the Easter bunny and the Great Pumpkin. It's a nice story, but it is not the truth. I want them to believe that being a princess really is a fairy tale, a dream and a nice Disney story. I don't want them to think that marriage is something that it is not. It is not about becoming a princess. Maybe that is what draws so many women into this wedding.  

After all the pomp and stuff, Prince Billy and Kate will still have to live with one another and hopefully honor God by their marriage. They will have to put in the work it will take to stay together because there is no such thing as "happily ever after".

Guys Made Simple

Guys are really simple. And I think that life would have less stress in it if we all embraced the simpicity that are men.

Guys like one stop shopping. Go to Walmart or Target even Menards and you can get everything that you need for the day. Diapers to dry wall screws. Industrial size containers of Cheez Balls to chairs.

Guys like shampoos that are all in one. Body wash, shampoo and conditioner in one bottle is simply simple.

Guys like one pot cooking. Even if the dinner looks like something from Bizzare Foods with Andrew Zimmern the family WILL EAT IT! 

Guys don't get buyers remorse. When see something that we like, it pretty much sticks in our brain until we get it. And if we paid too much for the thing, we keep it anyway. Returns are not simple.

Our attire is simple. Pants in the winter, shorts in the summer. Coat when it snows or rains. Add sunglasses when it's sunny. Sunscreen? What do you think?

Guys are simple.

We Are Doing Something Right

Our family had a great Easter weekend. All of my girls were home. School is on break and my wife was home from work on Good Friday. It seems rarer that we are all together for an entire weekend.

Although it was rainy half of the weekend, we still got to do all the secular Easter things like color eggs, stuff candy in plastic eggs and spend about thirty minutes trying to get $.99 egg dye off the kitchen counter and my two year old. She thought that it would be fun to throw the egg in the dye instead of using the wire tool to gently drop it in the dye. 

So before church on Sunday morning, Wendy and I hid all the eggs before the girls got up. Katie was up first looking for eggs even before both of her eyes were open. Then we got Riley up so that they could find the eggs before we needed to get ready for the day.

We were standing in our hallway getting ready for the big hunt and Katie suggests that we pray before looking. And that she wanted to pray.

Her prayer went something like this. "Jesus, thank you for dying for my sins and thank you for Easter and the candy eggs. Amen."

Wendy and I were surprised and happy that she gets that Easter is not about a bunny and candy eggs but that it has a bigger meaning: Jesus.

After her prayer, we both had the same thought: Maybe we are doing something right after all.

Elite Company

Everyone wants to be in a class all by themselves. Whether it is in sports or business or fame, people want to be set apart and recognized. I was doing some research for a project last week and I found out that I am in a very elite class. But, it will not be earthly profitable like being the winner of American Idol.

It seems that being a stay at home parent is a rare thing. And being a stay at home dad is even rarer. The new normal is that both parents are working and the children under the age of 18 are either in daycare, school or after school care. Now, let me say that I know some families have no choice and that the kids have to go to daycare. Jobs and finances being what they are today makes that a necessity. I am not condemning anyone for that. So don't get me wrong.

So here are the figures. Now, these figures are for married couples with children only. According to the US Census Bureau, 2009 saw about 4 percent of women (963,000) as the only parent in the workforce. Compare that to men with about 28 percent (7.3 million) of them being the only parent working. But, 66 percent (17 million) of married couples were both working in 2009.

So here is the interesting part.  Of the stay at home parents, 5.1 million of them are women while 158,000 are men. That is less than one percent of the married couples working. That number is actually up from 140,00 in 2008.

The US had about 330 million citizens in 2008 with about 120 million people working. It turns out that the percentage of stay at home dads to the total population in the US is 0.042 percent.

No wonder I have a hard time find other stay at home dads. I am in elite company.

Here We GO Again

It is the small things that make being a stay at home parent worthwhile. The fun times laughing at a children's show, petting a bunny or jumping on a trampoline. The things that memories are made of. Even a stressed out, tired, stay at home dad can enjoy these things. But, it is also the small things that are as frustrating as all get out!

Two words for you: Potty Training. The rite of passage for kids around the world. So much of your future rides on potty training. It is so simple yet so hard for some kids. We have all heard the stories of children, mostly boys, that were not potty trained by Kindergarten. Oh the shame!

That is were I am at now. My 2.65 year old is struggling so much that we have given up. We have used tried and true methods of bribery and shame to no avail. There was progress when tempted with M&M's. But honestly, there is nothing that a kid won't do for that candy shelled treat. She has backslid to the point that she doesn't even understand that she has a full diaper of number two and if not checked on, will walk around with it for half the day oozing out of the top of her Pampers.

I don't remember my 5.43 year old being that hard to potty train. I guess that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or more forgetful.

Book Review: Faith Begins At Home by Mark Holmen

I just finished reading the book Faith Begins At Home by Mark Holmen. The book describes five areas for makeovers within a family: the home, the parents, the children, the extended family and the church. It gives practical examples of how to makeover each area that are easy implement and seem that they would be effective.

The Parenting Makeover section was interesting to me because I want to be able to connect with my girls early on. At this stage, connection is easy. Spending time with them playing or doing an activity is about all they need. But, when the teenage years come, that is a different ball game. One of the stories that is shared is about a father listening to his sons music that didn't have a Christian message. So, the dad went to the Christian bookstore, asked for some CD's that were a similiar genre as what he listened to and purchased a few of them. Then when they were in the car together, the dad asked if he could play a new CD he just bought. The son was surprised by what was coming out of the speakers. Dad then gave him the CD's.

That is just one example of a makeover that was made within a family. The book has many others that are just as easy and may make a family closer. I would highly recommend the book for any family. It is an easy read even for the busy stay at home dad.

Seasons Are a' Changin

I don't know why I am so surprised by the sights and smells that precede the change of the seasons. You know, that smell on the first real Spring day or that crisp, cool, clean feeling in the Fall. This past weekend it was like summer in Wisconsin. Humid and 80F. Summer was in the air.

But like most seasons in Wisconsin, change came literally overnight. A storm went through and the humidity and temperature dropped by thirty degrees. This and the message that I heard on Sunday at church, got me thinking. My life has gone through changes as well and they can be described best as life seasons. Going through these times is challenging and sometimes confusing. But going through them is normal for all of us. And that is okay.

I think that going through seasons is never more pronounced than in stay at home parents. Now, I don't know for sure, but I would argue that being a stay at home dad is not a normal change in life seasons but it is more like going through a hurricane season with 15 named storms. God just gave moms a certain heart for parenting that men do not have. Not that parenting is impossible for men. It's just that we need to work a little harder being at home full time.

This change in seasons all came about within the last year or so. My wife and I love to train and compete in triathlons in all distances. We did Ironman Wisconsin together in 2009 (we won't talk about who beat who) and created a bond that will last a lifetime. But somewhere in the process of our second adoption, I lost the desire to seriously train (as serious as I can be) and compete. I can't focus on swimming or running or biking.

While those activities are beneficial to keep my love handles in check, they are not my focus. I may come back to them someday in a change of season. And that is okay.

There is a change of seasons happening. Can you feel it? 

 

DIY Puppet Theater

My lastest project was a puppet theater for the girls to put on plays. I really needed something to get me outside and to get my hands dirty with. I love working with my hands and this is one project that is easy, inexpensive and fun to do.

You will need the following items:
One 4'x8'x3/4" sheet of plywood that is finished on both sides
36 inch peice of 1"x6" pine or oak for a shelf
Four 1x1 inch hinges
Two feet of light garden pot hanger chain (it's cheaper than chain)
Paint of choice
48 inch curtain rod
Curtain material

You will need to cut the plywood into one 4'x4' peice and two 2'x4' peices. Sand all sides to make sure that there are no rough edges. Cut a 3'x1' foot hole in the 4'x4' peice for the stage area. Cut or fit the 3' pine or oak shelf in. Secure with screws or nails. You can cut holes in the two smaller side peices if you would like. Use a lid or something for a perfect circle. I did and it looks nice. Paint all the peices. You should have 3 peices now.

After the paint dries, attach the hinges to the side panels about a foot from the top and the bottom. Then attach the hinges to the front 4'x4' panel with the stage. Hang the curtain rod on the back of the front peice. Buy or make some curtains for the stage that hang down a few inches below the stage.

Finally, attach a chain to the inside just below the top of the side panel and the front panel to keep it from opening all the way and falling down. Do this to both sides.

Here is what my girls got today. I am hoping that they get hours of fun. I am also expecting some sibling fighting or it as well.

I did have some of the parts but if I had to buy everything, it would have been about $25. Timewise, painting was the longest step. But, I figure I spent about 4 hours from start to finish.

Have fun and great dirty.

One Size Does Fit All

I love this quote by the old school professional triathlete Scott Molina: "If it (triathlon) was all about weight then there'd be a scale instead of a finish line". When I was just starting out in endurance sports it gave me inspiration and some hope that as a Clydesdale (a male 200 pound plus athlete) I had a chance. I would never be able to make it to the Hawaii Ironman World Championships but I had a shot to compete.

                                                                                   

But a lot about triathlon is about size and weight. The clothes are tight and get tighter as a Clydesdale or Athena (a female 150 pound plus athlete). Not to mention that the price of those fancy biking jerseys and shorts increases as you size up. And then there is nutrition. Most coaches will tell you to drink so much fluids based on your size and sweat rate. If I did that, I would not be able to find a Fuel Belt big enough to hold the gallon and a half of the sports drink I would need. I quickly found out that much about triathlon is about weight.

Thankfully, that is not true with the race of faith in Jesus. Nowhere in the Bible is the faith race divided by weight classes or even age groups. Paul sets it up for us in Philippians 3:13 and 14. “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Professional, elite, age grouper or Clydesdale groups are meaningless with the Lord. First or last, all we need to do is stay focused on the goal of winning the prize that leads to eternal life.

At the finish line of life, Jesus’ arms are open wide and waiting. No age group, no weight classes, no asking about your nutrition or what kind of bike you rode. As Jesus was on the cross with his arms stretched out, they were open enough to accept anyone who asks. With Jesus, it is true that one size does fit all.

Not Absent

There is no question that the absence of a father figure in a child's life causes many problems that can linger into adulthood. There is a documentary that is coming out called Absent that explores the lack of a father figure in a child's life and the damage that it does. In the documentary, a rock star, a model and a boxing champ discuss the effects of the absence of a father on their lives. To see a trailer of the film, go to: http://www.absentmovie.com/
In the trailer, the "father wound" is mentioned as the root cause of the problem. It is the wound that a father leaves behind when he leaves the family behind. With that wound, there is a void that needs to be filled. Unfortunately it is being filled with drugs, under age sex, criminal behavior, broken relationships and broken hearts. 

So what can a stay at home father do? Personally, I need to make sure my girls know that I love them and that I accept them for who they are. Now, I have two adopted girls who are not biological siblings. There is a genetic component to how they will develop as children and adults. So that means that they will have different likes, dreams, personalities and a different way to show and accept love.

While I don't ever plan on leaving them, I do need to make sure that I don't leave small wounds. I tell them that I love them even if it is in places that others can hear me. I am holding them and show affection whenever and where ever. And, I think most importantly for a man, is to accept them for who they are. If they are girlie and want to wear a dress to Walmart, let them. Or if they want to dig in an ant hill, why not.

Guys, even if you are a stay at home dad, I challenge you to not be absent in your kids life. It will pay off when it matters most.

Finally Made It

I was grocery shopping this past week and had only one of the girls with me. I was just finishing up when I ran into another mom that I know pretty well. She is like a sister to me. We can tell each other guy-type, clean jokes without offending each other. She also cuts our families hair.

She was just starting her shopping and with me just about done, she was going over the contents of my cart. After we talked about what I would use this for or that for, we talked about other stay at home parent stuff like kids, school, mini vans and driving around SE Wisconsin like a lost cabbie.

She is a seasoned stay at home parent so I appreciate what wisdom she shares with me. I was telling her that my oldest daughter did get accepted to a private school for kindergarten and that my youngest will be going to preschool two days a week in another city. She looked at me underneath her hairstylist hairdo and said the words that I longed to her from another stay at home mom.

"Sounds like you are now a real stay at home dad."

I finally made it.

What do you do for fun dad?

The other day my oldest daughter asked me what I like to do for fun. At the time I was getting the girls lunch and doing the dishes that were left in the sink from the night before and from the morning breakfast. I was in the process of thinking about the question and out from underneath her PB&J, she blurts out "I bet you like doing the dishes for fun."

After explaining to her that I don't do the dishes for fun, I then had to explain that I do the dishes, the laundry, the cleaning, the hollering and the loving because that is my job. I don't go to work like some dads. I get out of bed and I'm already at work. I think that she started to understand that it is not always the dad that stays home. Ah....this is a fun age.

It got me thinking about a few things. One, how I got here. Not how I was born and got to SE Wisconsin. But, how I got to be a stay at home dad. That is a subject for another time. The other thing I thought of was, what do I do for fun? I have to say that I don't define fun as I had pre-kids.

There are things that I enjoy doing but it is hard to do that with two little ones tagging along. But, what I realized is that I enjoy the things that they get enjoyment from. I love to watch them swim or play at the beach. I love to peak into the dance studio to watch Katie attempt ballet. Riley loves to kick or throw balls around. And of course, they love to jump or ride their bikes through puddles. I love that. I guess that is my fun.

Me having my type of fun is not important right now. Life is not about me. But it is about being where God wants me and doing what He has called me to do. Right now it is raising my two girls and taking care of my incredibly hard working wife.

If it takes my  girls thinking that I do the dishes for fun, I guess I must be doing something right. 

Dad Gear Review: The BOB Stroller



I thought that I would do something different and present a product review. As a stay at home dad, I love items that make my life easier on me and my girls. But theproduct needs to work as advertised. Anytime a product can deliver on those two things, that is a good piece of Dad Gear.

In my mind there are only a few pieces of gear that are essential when you are out and about. The first would be a stocked diaper bag and the second would be a stroller. Now I have used many strollers from the umbrella stroller to the fixed wheel joggers but have not found one that surpasses the BOB line of strollers.

BOB Strollers come in a fixed front wheel style and the Revolution in which the front wheel can swivel or can be fixed for jogging. I will review the Revolution only.

For the sake of full disclosure, I have had 2 BOB Revolution strollers. A one single kid style and a double kid style. While I have not used the fixed front wheel version of the BOB, I would have to say that the swivel wheel is a must for going to the mall or the street festival. It can maneuver in very tight spaces even in the double stroller version. The cost is more for the Revolution but it is worth it when you are dodging Senior Citizens in the mall running to the bathroom before the advances made potty training will be lost with one accident.

The stroller has many storage compartments both for the pushee and the pusher. You can also purchase a handlebar console that has two drink holders and a small, zippered compartment. I have this for mine and I would recommend getting this option. Some other nice features are a foot operated brake, brake tether for jogging, a five point, padded seat belt system, removable wheels so the stroller can be folded flat, an adjustable suspension, sun canopies, reclining seats and a front wheel adjustability feature for keeping the stroller in a straight line when jogging.

Options include infant car seat attachments for the major manufacturers, a matching color diaper bag, a wind screen, a sun shield and a fleece liner for cold walks or runs.     

I have not used the double stroller for jogging. I don't know if I want to push my two and five year old on a 3 mile run. A heart attack is not on the calendar for 2011. I have used the single kid stroller for a jog and it worked great. A little adjustment of the front wheel and we were off. They roll very well on roads as well as on grass or gravel. We take our double everywhere. It is tricky sometimes to fit it in places with a lot of people but it easier than carry two tired kids plus gear.

The double BOB Revolution is priced anywhere from $450 to $630 depending on the seller. The single is between $305 and $430. Even if you use the stroller for a few years, you will get your monies worth out of it. You can very easily sell a nice used BOB online or to any friends that jog and have kids. It's easy to find new moms who want to lose some weight.

I liked the BOB strollers so much, I bought two of them. So, on the Dad Gear Scale, the BOB Revolution Double gets an extra dessert after dinner.    

Pick C Sweetheart

Tomorrow will be a landmark day in the life of my daughter Katie. She will be going to her Kindergarten school to be tested. That's right.....tested. Now, I am not sure how I feel about this. It's not that I don't think that she isn't ready or smart enough for Kindergarten. It's just that it is Kindergarten!

Is this something new or has this gone on for awhile now? If I would have had to take that test when I was 5, I know I would not have been let in. I barely knew my name let alone the ABC's. I didn't even have to take the SAT to get into Graduate School. I applied, they asked why I would be a good candidate for a Masters Degree and I told them something that made them think I didn't need to take the SAT, the ACT, the GMAT or a GRE. Hmmm.....should I be admitting that?

Anyway, since she doesn't start until Fall, what if she could do better on the test in August? What if she goes from the middle of the pack to the top of the class? And if she does well, I wonder what that would look like on her CV? What if she does well now but forgets everything over the summer and gets held back? Oh, the humanity! I thought it got easier when they got to school.

So, if you are in Kenosha tomorrow around 4:00 p.m. and you hear "If you don't know the answer sweetie, pick C." That would be a proud dad of a potential Kindergartner. 

Sized Up

This is the first post for my blog. I hope that I can post on a regular basis given that I have a pretty busy schedule. Ah....but who doesn't now days. I will try to keep it interesting but to be honest there are days that are dull and mundane. So I apologize right off the bat. Well, with that said, here it goes.

On Saturday mornings Wendy and the girls go to Cricket Academy, a Chinese language school. So, I get the morning to myself. I usually work around the house or workout since I slept in. But today, I did some shopping since I can get it done in about a quarter of the time without the girls. Woodman's, Kohl's and The Children's Place at Southridge Mall in Milwaukee were my stops. It seems that we need to eat and Katie is growing without my consent. 

All went well but at The Children's Place I got 'The Look'. 'The Look' can be described as 'why is this 6'1" 230 pound guy shopping for girls clothes'. It can happen when I am with or without my girls but mostly it happens without. So, while looking for pants, one mom with two young kids, gave me 'The Look' and quickly gathered her little chicks under her wing for safety.

I understand why some moms react that way. The world is not a safe place and caution is a good thing. On the other hand, we do live a society where men can and do raise the kids and shop for clothes.  So moms, when you see a Clydesdale of a man shopping for girls clothes, it's OK. He is a stay at home dad.

Oh, and my oldest sized up from the T's to girls clothes. My wife and I shed a tear as she tried them on. They fit her perfectly.